INSULTS only upset if we think them true...hmmmmnnn

We are continuing our series of articles knowing that INSULTS ONLY UPSET US WHEN on some level of our being we believe them to be true. ‘On some level of our being’ means it could be out of our awareness, that this may be a fear about becoming fat, having remembered being teased as being fat at school, or simply a reflection of our own judgements as that is as bad as it could be for us to be that which we so despise.

Using metaphor here and some dissociation for the upsetting comments from mom to ease processing.

 So regardless of what anybody says beyond that, you know, family and friends saying things like, ‘don’t be stupid, look at you, you are fine’ (So now she’s fat AND stupid right?). Fat is an issue. One way or another, it is an issue for her, that’s what causes the upset, why her unconscious carries it with her into other parts of her reality, instead of dismissing the comment as irrelevant.

You could say nobody really MAKES us feel upset, it is our reaction to the comment that is disturbing. We only get upset if we take it on board and judge ourselves just as harshly as the outsider.

 How much do you know about how your mom perceived her body as a child and how she was brought up by her mom? Rather than interrogate you about that(!) I want you to almost unconsciously take that on board to balance what is happening with you, sometimes when she is saying these things to you just be curious about ….

The client then finishes my sentence for me with the words ‘about where that came from.’

It is absolutely great when the client finishes the sentence for you, and in the correct manner too!

Yes, because these things tend to get filtered down through generations and probably, I know I cannot say this with absolute truth, though probably her attempts to make you the perfect physical specimen have been kind of misinterpreted in her own mind. Her endeavours to make you as healthy as possible and for you to be physically perfect have maybe come out in the wrong way. She may have had the best of intentions though it has not come out right. No mother would intentionally screw up their child!

The client then agrees with the statement, no, you are right.

 Well, you know, nobody teaches us to be a mother, we draw on whatever resources we have and sometimes we may overdo something because it was a big thing for us when we were young and we want to ‘save’ our child from the same torment, though who knows what other imbalances might be created along the way.

We draw on our own experiences of being a child and we get to that point when we catch ourselves saying something that our mothers used to say to us…..

The client then continues with Oh I know! I’ve done that! (laughter)

Genuine good humour is such a valuable tool, it disintegrates (literally) the negative energy and ‘breaks state’ when enough information has been processed on a particular subject.

 How well do you sleep. Do you relax well?

How about exercise?

The client answers with I go through phases. I used to like walking. In February this year I joined a ladies’ cycling club. With all the rain we had I stopped going as regularly and then altogether.

 Did the group stop?

She answered with no, they still went but I didn’t fancy going in the rain. And I am not good in the heat at all and being overweight it has been worse. It seems to have gone by the wayside … I am thinking of joining the gym now.

There is contradiction here, so is it the damp and cold that hinders the activity or the heat? No need to bring contradictions to the surface, the client’s mind is aware and that is enough. Notice my next comment, introducing the idea of enjoying a physical activity.

What will you enjoy at the gym?

Here is where it gets interesting as the client continues. Well I…… I don’t enjoy the gym. When I first started cycling I remember saying I had finally found the exercise that I enjoy. Jenniehough I think I have got some sort of mental block about it at the moment.

The client is switching modalities now, from feeling to visual. She knows she has a block and that’s good. Notice the eyes will lift from looking down to searching up into the visual field.

I ask her what is her bike like.

She continues. It’s an old one that was made up for me and it does the job. I was even wearing the clip on shoes. I did the Devon coast to coast in April and was doing 70 miles in one day. But again, I have got this attitude of being all or nothing. I either stick to a diet or pig out. I am either doing lots of exercise or no exercise. I do tend to push myself and then forget I am not the same as I used to be. I push myself to the boundaries and my mum will tell me not to overdo it. I think that’s where I trip up because I end up exhausted.

The client is now recognising within herself now that mom does care!

I ask her. Have you always been this hard on yourself?

I don’t know! (laughter) Yes, I think so!

I say.  So, standing beside yourself now if you could just now see this situation in an objective way. If this were your daughter talking to you saying these things, what would be the advice you would give to her?

I am doing some ‘gesalt’ work now to aid processing.

Client comments that she would say, Chill out!

I then answer her by saying the following. I do chill out! If I chill out too much mom I won’t do any cycling at all so don’t tell me to chill out!

The client then continues. I know what I would say, but if someone were saying it to me I suppose I would say, well, ‘how do you do that?’ I would say ‘just take it slower, don’t charge in ….’

 So this is the time to be gentle on yourself. You see, I am not expecting an answer, in fact if there were an answer I would think I had got all of that wrong then! (laughter).

The fact that there is not an answer means that it is not available to you through your conscious awareness. Your unconscious knows. It’s like your unconscious is sitting there saying, ‘I have known for years!’ (laughter) ‘You haven’t listened to me have you! You do know that there is a mechanism within you that will balance all of this out.

You have realised that it’s all or nothing with yourself as you have described it. So let’s make it quite ridiculous for you now. Let’s suggest that instead of dieting religiously for six months and then having two years off (laughter), that, say, you experiment in your mind now with dieting for one day and having the next day off. Because, well, what is the difference?

The client then adds. Yes. Ok.

 So, being the personality that you are at the moment, going on past strategies, on the first day you would have a couple of lettuce leaves (laughter), cycle 70 miles, (laughter), and wake up in the morning saying, ‘oh right, today’s my fat day, I can eat whatever I want!’. So, what is it, what is it that you would look forward to eating?

She says, ohhhh, chocolate. Sweets, cake, biscuits.

Important information now, establishing what, specifically, are the changes in eating habits that will be of most use and promote the most noticeable changes in behaviour.

Particularly what chocolate? I ask her.

I like it all!

And biscuits, what biscuits in particular?

I like them all. If I can’t make my mind up I will just take everything.. You know, like the vending machine at work in the morning break, a packet of crisps, a chocolate bar and going back and having another chocolate bar.

And would you have had your healthy sandwiches with you at work?

Yes, I probably would have taken fruit with me. And yoghurts. I would be prepared, but would still want them.

 So how would that affect how you felt, from having the chocolate bar and the crisps and then returning for another chocolate bar?

It’s almost like physically you feel better because you are giving yourself that buzz, you have satisfied that need, but mentally, I know I have kind of sat there and weighed up who is there in the room (God it’s terrible) because you don’t want everyone to know that you have had two bars of chocolate…

Do you know what the client means? Note how we deal with shame in part five of this article.

Real Clients - more!

We are continuing our weight control client session begun in the previous article.

You will continue to do that which you want but that which you want is changing.

I now hand over to you and ask what it is that you would like to be different now when you leave here today and as I ask that I am asking the question of your unconscious mind which is listening to me now, it is the part of you that is blinking your eyes, to stop your eyes drying out, it pumps the blood around the body and we are not always aware of what it does for us

I have given the command that ‘after this session, any addictions will just go’. I have offered the support of the cd to help between sessions too. Notice, also, I begin with the idea of asking the client what they would like to change, though, because this is so important and I want an unconscious response, I ‘leave it hanging’ awaiting completion, without the need for an answer to be offered right now. I follow with an explanation of the unconscious mind to acknowledge and honour it within the client, to request its contribution.

The unconscious mind is completely in charge when you are fast asleep in bed at night. When you wake up in the morning, it is as if in that waking you get a download of information, of consciousness, as you become aware of where you are, who you are, who you are with (laughter). At that moment as you are waking, and many people wake up just before the alarm (nod of confirmation) … you may be wondering what the time is and there is a remnant of a dream somewhere, you know who you are, your name etc and that is your consciousness coming back in That does not mean that the unconsciousness goes somewhere when you are awake, it has far too many tasks to do for you like that blinking that you are doing as we said before.

Your conscious mind certainly goes somewhere when you sleep, as we can tell now by all kinds of equipment measuring brain wave activity, though your unconscious remains. It stays with you the whole time. It still tries to tell you about that dream during the day when you are far too busy to listen! (confirmation and laughter).

Oh yes, I know. I’ve just had a new car and I keep having dreams about it.

Really?

When you get an offering from the unconscious mind of the client, it is a gift, use it. Many therapists I know will throw away comments like this, wanting to get back on track to the weight issue, rather than explore the seemingly unrelated unconscious contributions. This is confirmation that the unconscious is communicating into conscious awareness, and the client feels safe enough to tell you their dreams. You often find some useful connections here.

It’s driving me mad. You know when you can’t quite grab a hold of the dream? I think I have been thinking of the same one for days. I can’t get it out of my head.

What remnant of the dream remains?

It was about the car and I have a feeling that something bad was happening to it. (laughter) I can feel that sort of atmosphere of the dream but that’s it. I love dreams.

You will know that the car represents something important to you.

It was very unexpected. It was a gift. I was driving around in a tatty car beforehand..

So the car was unexpected and precious? You may worry about something untoward happening to it? Now this is about what the dream means to you, not what you would read about in a dream dictionary. Maybe that car represents a fear of loss, it’s so nice you don’t want it to lose it. Quite often, by the way, clients contact us wanting to lose weight and I find that word ‘lose’ to be a very interesting word.

I could lecture for hours about this, though basically we are programmed in this country particularly to think in terms of ‘losing’ weight. This programming is often intentional by the providers of food substitutes or the diet industry at large because big business corporations certainly have access to the latest research on the workings of the human mind. When we lose something, if you think of anything that you have lost in the past, it always has negative associations. If you lose your keys, or lose a loved one, or even lose consciousness! If you lose anything at all you put yourself in a bad mood, which you may chose to change by eating to make yourself feel better.

That reminds me of a book I read once about stopping smoking which said ‘don’t ever say you are giving up because you make yourself think you are depriving yourself’.

Yes, because physically, by depriving yourself, you lose energy, you feel vulnerable, helpless and hey, says the adverts, we’ve got this product that will really help! Not only does it put your unconscious mind in a bad mood, your unconscious mind will do everything that it can in order to go and find it again.

That is because losing your keys, losing your memory, losing your way: its duty, when you lose something, is to go and find it.

All those well meaning individuals who run the diet clubs and give all the advice on losing weight are most usually innocent of the fact that the industry is employing psychologists and others to promote feelings of dissatisfaction in dieting endeavours so that the high priced product is bought. And if they worked, by the way, long term, these organisations would be out of business.

So part of what I want to tell you is that although we live consciously and we are mostly in charge and in control of our faculties etc, unconsciously we are being programmed all the time. Programming takes place in the big supermarket, whilst watching television (as the sound now goes up dramatically when the adverts come on), when engaging in everyday conversation with other women (usually) and within the conversations taking place in our own head to try and make sense of it all.

So, when you are watching the film which is full of quiet suspense and subtlety, when you are looking for the tiny eye movement or increased tension in the jaw of the actor to determine whether he has committed the crime or not as he is defending his life, then comes the commercial break and ‘Scrub it and BANG!’ fills your senses followed by the oh so sensual ‘this isn’t just chocolate…..’

I get so cross at adverts that shout at me!

And if they don’t shout they will employ some powerful visual to get your attention. You will catch yourself now, because as soon as you are introduced to these concepts you go, ‘oooh’ it may be days, hours or weeks and you will see right through them. Commercials are designed, when you think about it, to put you into a somewhat negative state, to create the need within you and then the answer is here ‘ding’!

This is to tell the unconscious mind, mainly, that ‘it is not your fault, you have been programmed’. Also, it is to gear up the defences of that part of the mind to make it more resilient to such effects in the future.

There is a lot of information to take in here though it is going to more useful if it is tailored to you specifically. Though there are commonalities within all of our experiences, and in allowing your awareness to expand you can laugh at these things and you are no longer affected by them in the same way. The more inner work you do the more resistant you are against it.. you will not become a born again advert protester, though to begin with they will irritate you, when you begin to laugh at them you realise you are not going to be taken in any more.

Now I am taking personal details, name address, date of birth etc, filling in client form.

And you heard about us just by walking past?

Yes, you know I have walked past the front of this building for years and suddenly, as I say, something just made me look.

Isn’t it strange? You know we like to think that the unconscious mind only seriously addresses these kinds of issues when it is ready. Now’s the time. Well done.

More personal information volunteered now, and has small child that she is concerned does not adopt unhelpful eating patterns from her.

At school, what was the subject you were most interested in?

Literature and Art

Did that mean by any chance that you were not particularly interested in Maths?

(sharp intake of breath) I HATED Maths! No didn’t like Maths at all. I was terrible at Maths.

It usually follows!

Yes, my ex, brilliant at Maths, but no imagination at all!

You know, it’s almost as though we somehow want to learn what it would be like to experience that which is totally different from ourselves on occasion and we engage with that through our partner isn’t it?

Can I just grab a tissue here Jennie because I forgot to have my hayfever tablet this morning.

Oh, so even though it is damp outside today you are affected?

Oh yes.

Were you born with that or did it develop?

Just can’t help myself here, allergies are dealt with so quickly, it is an opportunity to point out to the unconscious mind it may be time to take its power back and be free of this too.

It developed in my early twenties.

Do you know what happened at the time, what was significant in your life back when it began?

Gosh no, I had it for a few years and it was just an itchy pallet and I didn’t know that that was a symptom of (to be continued in the next part).

Real Client transcript and help with yours!

 Let’s begin with a typical client session focussed on weight issues. I comment to you throughout, so that you can recognise important facets in what can seem like merely an inconsequential conversation to the uninitiated. You already have a fascination with the phenomena of the human mind and a fascination of hypnosis, by reading this article, so join me now as we apply hypnotic techniques from the moment the client is walking through the door of the Practice.   This is a verbatim session transcript.

The client focus here is regarding weight issues.

The session begins with pleasantries about the weather and the journey to the practice.   I begin with the question  I’m just wondering how you came to hear about the practice. 

The client said that  I was just passing one day. You know, I must have walked past here for years; it was only the other day that I noticed the sign.  

I continue. That’s great. You know, we like to think that your unconscious mind notices these kinds of things only when it is ready to change.   It’s good to establish how the client has come to know of your skills particularly, or hypnosis generally, word of mouth etc. I am repeating the phrase, ‘you know’ together with voice tone and body posture (slight shrug), to gain rapport (this will be used throughout session).

I am seeding a response, in saying ‘…your unconscious mind…. is ready to change’.      Apart from the sign outside, we don’t advertise. So, most often clients come to see us because they know of someone who has already been helped tremendously by coming here. Though you came just because you noticed the sign?

The client confirmed with a Yes.  

I asked. Do you know anything about hypnosis or how much it can help you with weight control? 

The client replied. No, nothing really.  

So, really this is blind hope we are talking about, yes? Or is it ‘the last thing on the list’? 

Well, yes, I’ve tried everything else!     

This is when again I am seeding response ‘…someone has already been helped tremendously by coming here.’ And “…can help you with weight control’. Also, introducing humour and realisation of desperation, wanting it to work without yet knowing evidence of effectiveness.    As we talked about on the ‘phone, you know a lot of our challenges to do with eating and exercise are in the mind. It is usually because we have been through the process of deprivation-based dieting, where weight reduction will work as long as we ‘suffer’, as long as we are ‘good’. The unconscious will only allow us to do that up to a certain point. Maybe 5 or 6 weeks on a very strict regime will mean that the next time we come to do it the mind is more guarded, because it knows what you went through last time.      

There is recollection and representation of information already given by client over the telephone to illicit the inner response of being with someone who understands. The brain likes what’s the same, (you are the same as me). Bringing the ‘good’ versus ‘bad’ perception into awareness in order to discount it.   

The client  then continues. I did six months on Slimming World and then became a consultant. Yes, the feeling of deprivation was there even though I was having a kit kat every week. When you are used to having one every day, I suppose, the deprivation was still there, although compared to many, it was a very generous eating plan.     

The client is now processing more, validated by looking around and down to feelings. Notice the change from ‘I was having a kit kat…’ to ‘…when you are used to having one….’ This is an appeal to those outside of ourselves to hope they experience this too; also a deflection from one’s own plight being separate, perhaps unique and distinct. Also, it is association to dissociation and if now pointed out to client this would prevent further admissions and hinder rapport.

I clarify with own suggestion.    I suppose it was like ‘I want a kit kat now, I don’t want to wait until Saturday!’ 

The client confirmed, with a Yes, it was!  

The unconscious can be likened to what some may call the ‘inner child’, you know sometimes we may just want a milk shake or something seemingly ridiculous to the consciousness, well chocolate is part of that, particularly if it was used as a reward in childhood – you have been ‘good’ so now we can go to the sweet shop and get you something.   Some of these associations are so deeply rooted in the unconscious mind that although we would like to feel that we are in charge of what we do, if we were continually told to eat everything on our plate before we could go out to play or that there were children starving in other countries etc, if that was the case when we were at a very vulnerable age (with nothing against the people who with the best of intentions encouraged us to eat like that) these learnings settle deep within the mind as we grow older. If we find that we feel compelled to finish everything on our plate, or even find ourselves finishing what other family members leave rather than throwing it away, there is perhaps a remnant of that still within us.    Even if those people who said these things to us may not be on the planet any more, we may still think it is the right thing to do, despite what our conscious mind says and all the well-meaning intentions of slimming clubs.

It is our conscious mind that wants us to live the best life possible in its own terms, though it is our unconscious that still runs screaming away from a spider (or wants to!) though we would prefer to be more dignified and capable.      In the beginning we had what might be referred to by some as the ‘one hit wonder’. People either smoke or they don’t though you do HAVE to eat. What you may perceive now as an addiction to chocolate, or crisps or bread, if you could say to me,’ Oh Jennie, if I could only stop eating such and such I know I would be fine. Can you make me not like pasta or whatever’. There is usually something.   These comments are references to information given by client on the telephone and also guiding the unconscious to think about what client could change in eating habits.    In this initial session, maybe there is something we can do with that. The one session has been brilliant for about two weeks. After the two weeks, that’s when you know. That’s when the physical addiction is out of the system when you say things like, ‘oh I never knew how much chocolate I was eating or why I would want to do that’, or ‘crisps are just so salty and sharp I just don’t want to put them in my mouth now’. After two weeks that is when you know if the behaviour wants to re-establish itself, you know it is more deep rooted. Client Yes.     These comments are to prepare the client for more than just one session, as the expectation can be that all problems are ‘fixed’ in an hour (as perhaps it may appear in the stage hypnotism that may have been exposed to when behaviours are radically changed temporarily).

This takes the pressure off client and off therapist.    Physical addictions can be likened to smoking in a sense because the receptors in every single cell respond to certain substances. If you are having a lot of sugar for example, suddenly not having any sugar at all throws those receptors into a frenzy and almost compels you to dive into the sugar bowl even though there is no real need for you to have the sugar.  After this session, any addictions will just go. Our clients have taught us that after two weeks it’s good to have something else, then two weeks on from that for more long term, lifetime changes. You will continue to do what you WANT to do - BUT now see the next article for more.   

The are STILL SMOKING, argh!!!!

Life as a successful hypnotist is somewhat of an unusual one.  One day you are walking into a pub to the throngs of, ‘Don’t look into her eyes, ha ha!’ or, 'You can't stop me smoking' (to which, after ten years of similar comments, I inwardly question why would I want to and where's my two hundred pounds) and the next you are being worshiped as a semi deity because you have lowered someone’s blood pressure, sent their life-threatening condition into remission, or just freed them of their addiction to chocolate biscuits or enabled them to get on that aeroplane for the holiday of a lifetime they thought they would never have (not all on the same day you understand, though maybe that is possible!).

 The one thing folks associate professional hypnotherapy with the most, in my experience, is stopping smoking.  The results of your first stop smoking therapy session can make or break a career in hypnotherapy, no matter how talented a therapist you are.   Let’s say you are a newly qualified hypnotherapist.  You put your heart and soul into over two hours of the best therapy you could muster and have gone for two whole days with your fingers crossed hoping that it has worked and then... and then..... a friend of a friend thought they overheard someone saying that who they think may have been your client might actually be smoking again and you are crushed, resolving never to ever try to help someone stop smoking again!  If this sounds familiar, or promotes a lurking fear of dread to the surface, then read on.

One Hit Wonder?

Many schools and advanced master classes teach the two session smoking cessation method.   It is valuable to have some kind of follow up, maybe either telephone the client, get them to text you, or even come back at the same time next week, though do get some kind of response rather than blind hope to build your business on.   These people will be going out into the community either singing your praises or not.   So even if you do just the one session, follow up to know how effective you have been.

They are still smoking!

Actually, what has happened is they have started smoking again.    There will have been some time after the session in which they were a non smoker.   It may have been hours, days and sometimes years.    I had a client return after two years of not smoking to say the session had not worked as someone offered him a cigarette at a New Year’s Eve party and he was drunk and did not know what he was doing, so had one and became a smoker again.  The mastermind phrase, 'I have started and so I will finish' has a lot to answer for!  Just because a cigarette has been offered, or lit, or bought, does not mean that the whole thing has to be smoked, and certainly does not mean that twenty more have to follow that day to finish one's past daily smoking behaviour. 

What do you do?

One cannot help but be changed by such deep inner work as occurs in hypnotherapy when the hypnotic state has been achieved during the session and the unconscious mind of the client has agreed to stop smoking.   So reconnect them with the experience of being a non smoker, recognising that the body was recovering and purifying itself.   The sense of smell and taste will have had time to recover and the unconscious will remember this and want an improved circumstance  to continue.  However brief or long a time it was that they experienced being free of tobacco,  let them elaborate on any negative aspects to truly process them out and to get rid of them, though remembering to return them to the positive effects of your therapy.   They will probably realise that they have been sleeping a lot better, their senses have been more engaged and they have been generally a lot happier, in addition to remembering they did actually stop smoking for a time.  This will get you into a more positive state too.

Information Time

You can suggest to them that they know far more about their smoking behaviour than ever before (and you will know more too) and ask them about it in detail.   Don’t accept the lazy phrase, ‘it just happened’, the conscious mind will try to trip you up and remember you could trance them if necessary;  just get the information as to why it was useful.    Acknowledge that indeed smoking that cigarette or cigar was useful because the unconscious never does anything for no good reason.  Reiterate the physical effects of smoking, depending on what they say, for example if they did it to relax and you have explained that it speeds up heart activity you could say something like ‘I wonder why your unconscious would continue to believe something that is not true?’  This will instigate the separation that you need for part therapy.   It is not their fault that the unconscious has returned to the old habit, though it is their conscious choice to allow it to take place.   Perhaps ask, are you fed up enough now?

Choice

For your information, not the client’s, to help you understand how important this stage is, I will explain choice here.  It might sound simple to just choose, though I think choice is more complex than is appreciated.  Choice is one of the most powerful things a human being can do.

Making Choice Conscious

You can either regress to when they began smoking again, or project into the future to a time when they know they will smoke and get them to accept that they made a choice.   For whatever reason, they made a choice.   For example, consider the following statements.

This is a choice.

This is my choice.

I am choosing to, etc.

My reason for this choice is, etc.

This is what I am feeling and this is how I am going to respond.

This is the action I am going to take.

The result of my action was, etc.

That was my choice too.

 You cannot go beyond something that you don’t do.  So all experience is useful.    I have found some clients go back to the behaviour seemingly to kind of test out whether life is in fact better with cigarettes or without them and then when they give up smoking ‘again’ it is with much more satisfaction, glee and determination that this truly is their choice!  I have also experienced family members, when I was newly qualified myself, tell me that the session had not worked, only to witness them giving up all by themselves a couple of weeks later, strange that, is it not? 

Some facts about choice

Choice offers freedom.  

Choice can override genetic-hormonal codes.

Choice is focussed intent.

Choice is critical to changing action and image and essential to change itself.

It is the active agent (like yeast in bread) of your power, strength and talent.  It is the active agent of taking back your power with responsibility.

 The unconscious mind cannot choose

Choice selects the neural pathways of brain activity. When choice is accepted as a conscious act, the electromagnetic and electrochemical energies and forces of the brain are shifted and changed.  Neural pathways are changed by choice.   

Think about some good choices of the past, feel the sense of aliveness, gratitude to your old self and love for that past self having made the choice.   Feel self value.  Feel patience and feel power.   When you connect the client with this real past experience their unconscious will be having a template to use with this particular behaviour.   You can change your beliefs and your attitudes, though reality does not change until you make new choices  based upon your new beliefs or attitudes.

Choice triggers the action and implementation of belief, attitude, thought, feeling and decision making.

Just Pretend

What do we term it when we can’t do something but keep going until we can?   Practise.   How do children practise to become well rounded adults?  (A little too rounded and we are perhaps on to the next topic of hypnotic gastric bands!)   Seriously, they do so, as we all did, by Pre Tending.   Pre tend literally means before holding.    So you can even get the client to pretend they are a non smoker.  What would be different?    Maybe talk about the four levels of learning.  Where are they on the scale, is it maybe, conscious incompetence?   Great, because that is one step up from unconscious incompetence.   As we aim for conscious competence we need choice.    Unconscious competence surely follows this, as the client can easily demonstrate with other activities from the past.  

 If we pretend often enough, we get there.  

 State Dependent Behaviour

Choice is entwined with state dependent behaviour.   Will we just be sad until we stop being sad?   Or shall we choose to cheer ourselves up?   Does life just happen to us and affects us or do we happen to it?   Use this wonderful idea of truly being responsible, or to be literal, ‘response able’.   If client says ‘it just happened’ that the cigarette was in their hand then replay in detail, trance if necessary, how ‘it’ happened.   Return to choice.   What has to be happening around them for the behaviour to be triggered?

What about if they use the blanket global causal reasoning of stress?   How does the client know when they are stressed?  Does smoking really take away stress or just temporarily stops one thinking about the stressor?

 A ware ness, to be aware, is the first step to conscious choice.

There are many suggestions you can make, such as the following.  Do you want this body to be something you can control?    This is called freedom.   Be so curious that you do not judge them, or yourself.   They are coming to you for help, so they trust that you will be helping them.  

Create better feelings for your client, ‘let’s just feel better for no reason!’.

Use NLP, swap tenses to encourage a link to past successes, for example, saying, ‘That is something you knew how to do, isn’t it?’ 

Create a caring for the physical self, and an acceptance of how things were, moving ahead with new choices.   Utilise the numb hand technique, or glove anaesthesia, suggesting that now that same powerful part of your mind that’s creating that numbness is now creating numbness for any remaining feelings of withdrawal whatsoever, whether they be psychological, physiological or mental, so that not only can you stop smoking, you do so comfortably, easily and naturally.

Reality is a monitor, a feedback device, let it feedback data to help you.  Tell them to expect positive results.  Tell yourself to expect positive results too.  The positive aspect of someone coming back to you saying your therapy didn’t work is that they are giving you an opportunity to put it right for them, rather than just talking about you unfavourably to other potential clients!

Work with the reality of what is happening to you to revaluate what you are doing.   Don’t make the client returning to the smoking behaviour a judge of your prowess; instead let it feedback data to help you.

You could ask ‘why wouldn’t you want it to work?’   You need honesty from the client here.   There are payoffs and functional purposes all over the place with smoking;  find them.   They may worry about not having a break at work, or the wife or husband would be left out because the sharing and togetherness couples have is key to the success in many cases. 

Create a touch program (NLP) for them to activate at key times.  

Decide that you and the client are willing to review the process and continue learning.   Thank goodness people smoke, you may say, because the rewards of this second session will be utilised by the inner mind in all other areas of their life to enhance it.    The past is over, now is a new time! 

Summary

Be client focussed, be client led.   The above are just some ideas to get your creativity flowing.  You may use all of them, or something completely different.    Your client still wants your help or would not be putting themselves to the trouble of coming back to see you.    Use the returning smoker to make yourself the best therapist you possibly can be.   Each one is different, though the step by step guidelines below will help in all cases: 

1. follow up
2. use the data to enhance your technique
3. connect with positive effects of original therapy
4. identify and explore deeply that moment of choice to smoke
5. revisit new behaviour generator, perhaps in new guise (eg Gestalt)
6. establish congruency, are all of the parts in agreement with these new behaviours? 
7. address functional purpose
8. work with future self and care of physicality
9. use past choice successes to overlay on therapy
10. be positive!

To be successful, be interested in your returning smoker and let your creativity flow.   Be interested in your own development and recognise that we are always learning and enjoy the process of becoming the best in the business!

x

Create your own Reality, or don't. But you do anyway....!

Don’t Vibrate what you Hate!

Law of attraction, action!

What if you could really, I mean, really create the life you want rather than living by default as so many do? This step by step guide teaches you how. This is what you do.

1. Speak the lingo
2. Use vibration creation
3. Get polar
4. Do envisioning positioning

The Universe does not speak English

So, you may have heard or read that the Universe delivers to you that which you want. Yes, that’s true. Forany l aw to be a law, especially a Universal one cited in so many works by so many authors for so very long.... It must be consistent, reliable and absolutely, without question, true.

It may be correct to say that the Universe brings to you that which you want, though not necessarily, what you ask for.

The Universe does not speak English, its language is not spoken.

You give out an energy signature which is charged by your emotional state. This is what is constantly ‘read’ by the Universal forces and responded to consistently . In short, you VIBRATE. Every living thing does as everything is energy and energy vibrates.

You cannot think without feeling

You cannot feel without thinking

  However,

You can think and deny the feelings

You can feel and deny the thoughts

 That intricate connection of thoughts and feelings is called emotion.

So why do I not get what I ask for? There are contradictions between what you think you believe and what you believe you think!

Thoughts and feelings and actions and behaviours don't always follow beliefs and morals and values (put your money where your mouth is eh?) and these change according to age and experience and processing and power to imagine and compassion.

One of the most useful elements of exaggerated soap operas and Films is that we can see the character develop and unfold of people we may never choose to encounter "oh I can understand how one could be driven to insanity or murder or adultery now I have seemingly watched the entire life of a person unfold before me in less than two hours. I have seen their experience through their eyes and the varying perspectives of other characters sharing their world.”

  In fact, we are so capable of diving into someone else’s reality that we often lose connection with our own as we listen to well intentioned sympathetic advice from others who do not think in our heads, or feel in our bodies. The only one who really knows what is good for you, is you.

We do not get what we ask for because we do not speak the lingo and we do not mean what we say or say what we mean. As we sometimes have to fib to others for often good reason, it is time to tell yourself the truth.

You do it already!

If you are going to in any way accept the law of attraction then you have to play with the idea that because it is a universal law, that it is ALREADY working for you. It may not be working out exactly as you would like and that is because you are vibrating. Right here, right now, you are vibrating. You are spinning too, of course. You might already know that any point on the surface of the Earth is moving at 1675 km/h or 465 meters/second which equals 1,040 miles/hour. Just think, for every second, you’re moving almost half a kilometer through space, and it never even messes up your hair.

Well, maybe now that you are remembering how fast you spin, by forces beyond your control, it may not be too much of a leap to recognise that you also vibrate. All life does. That is because all life is made up of energy. Without getting into too much of the science stuff, everything is made up of energy, of particles and molecules and protons and electrons, which is all moving. By the way, the great news is, your Vibration IS under your control though you may not be aware of this fact yet and that’s why this book is so crucial to your understanding and awareness and how you will be able to make some positive changes easily and quickly just like I have done for hundreds of clients and delegates over the years. It’s your turn now./

Noticing what irritates you or drives you berserk is usually the first step! Anything, ANYTHING, you give your attention to gets locked into your vibration and becomes part of the signal you are sending out. Eg “I HATE it when he speaks to me like that/when I feel fat/when I’ve got no money/when nobody listens to me….. Etc” OOOOpppphs.

Why doesn’t my soul/spirit/higher self/just TELL me?

If you get irritated (and who doesn’t?!) at the manner in which your inner self communicates, or tries to communicate, with you then there is good reason why it does so in cloaked, metaphoric symbology.

We have cut ourselves off from many of the avenues through which this communication used to happen and are so busy and stressed within the barrage of information and data being thrown at us this way and that, that it has become difficult to think clearly. Difficult, though not impossible. Where do your thoughts come from ....do you think? Think about that then. Where do your thoughts originate? Take back control of thinking.

As a hypnotist, once you know how the mind works it is quite easy to implant a thought into the mind of another, usually and hopefully for therapeutic benefit, though not always. In the modern world it is impossible to function without your thoughts being hijacked. Go to the supermarket to just buy that one bottle of milk, drive a short distance without seeing huge advertisements in your pathway, that you read and yet don’t want to, much better to have eyes on the road though you do read them. Bus stops, shop windows, even the clothes of the people walking past you with their logos and statements, never to have to even mention television and commercials and bright colourful glossy bits of paper that issue forth from the letterbox into the privacy of your home.

A Simple Equation

  Your negative ego, which intervenes and blocks your manifesting much more than you are aware of and is NOT your friend, is not very clever. When you have to think about things more deeply, look for hidden meanings, ponder on ambiguities and then have your penny dropping moments of true realisation, then the learnings are far more impactful and durable.

SO, catch yourself THINKING! If you think ‘I never have enough’ (money) then put yourself in the vibe of having enough and send out a genuine thought about what you have enough of, avoiding the money focus. You may not have enough money so to lie to yourself to try and fool some part of the Universe to take pity on you will NOT work. However, send out the vibe of having enough love, enough air to breath, enough clothes to wear, enough water to drink and the vibe of ‘enough’ goes out to the Universe, attracting ‘enough’ back where the perceived lack is.

Think poor? = being poor so .....Think rich!

Think unloved? = being unloved so..... Think loved!

Think stupid? = being stupid so.......Think wise!

Think ugly? = being ugly so.......Think beautiful!

Think powerless? = being powerless so......Think powerful!

The subject does not matter! The Universe will see to it that your lack is fulfilled if you allow it. The way to allow it is to switch any thoughts of lack around on the spot. There will be SOMETHING you can feel rich about, there will be SOMETHING you are wise or clever about, there is SOMETHING beautiful you can focus upon, etc. Think think think think!

Affirmations

Some folks work with affirmations, standing in front of the mirror or with friends or screaming from tops of mountains to tell the Universe what they want, when the other 99% of the time, affirming quite the opposite. For example, saying aloud to yourself ‘I am rich’ repeatedly to attract riches to your life will not happen if:

1. It is said without the passion and driving force of the emotion of abundance, which is what FUELS the vibration and sends it spinning at the right frequency
2. You say it ten times a day when a hundred times a day you think of lack, such as when a bill arrives and you worry there is not enough in your account, or a friend asks to borrow money and you just can’t do it, or you want a new car and talk yourself out of it as you can’t afford it.

 Thoughts are pictures not words

To envision is to hold a certain thought in ones mind, that thought being the exact image of what it is one would like to manifest into a physical state. It is the end goal and the thing one wants to obtain for ones self. Often we are unclear of what it is that we want and what it will look like. We dream in pictures every night, though often do not remember the images. We think in images and translate them into words to communicate them. To communicate our thoughts and ideas on that which we want to send out to the Universe it is crucial to have a positive picture in mind of the scenario.

Therefore we must learn to be vigilant and be very careful in what we think, cleaning up our vibration by choosing only thoughts that relay information exactly upon what it is we wish to have manifest in our life.

We already, automatically create from the subconscious part of the mind, the task we undertake is to create consciously. Firstly though, recognise the subconscious and how it creates and work with it. The subconscious is responsible for turning the images held in one’s mind into physical reality. It holds anything perceived and held in one’s mind as actual truth.

know that it is already yours

For your manifesting to work you need not to believe that it is on its way and coming, but to associate positive feelings and appropriate sensory information appropriate to the thing you wish to attract. Imagine, pretend, that this is already yours in some alternate universe and what notice and understand what it truly feels like.

Recognise that you have little excitement about the stuff you already have, you kind of take it for granted and move on to the next thing you want, so really REALLY understand what the vibe feels like of ownership. How would I be different if I had this thing? What would be different in my life? How would I be regarded by others? Use stuff you have already manifested to tune into the vibe. OWN it.

receive

Receiving is an energy. It is not an insurance policy. It is not a guarantee of success. It’s an energy. Receiving is an energy to respect, to harness, to direct, to generate. It is a balance between disengaging the reluctance or refusal to receive and actively engaging and embracing the full body of what you truly want to receive. Receiving is neither friend nor foe, but will function as one depending upon whether you are your own friend or your own foe.

  The first key to the phenomenon of Receiving is that you already know how to do it. You already do receive -- and not just the good stuff! You see, you do not need to learn how to receive. You need to learn the magic of redirecting the allowing, but you already know the function. You're doing it already. You often allow too much bad stuff.

Receiving is a balance between disengaging from the resistances to receiving and engaging and embracing the full range of what you want to receive. Sometimes receiving is not so pleasant, and the key to it is to become conscious. Become AWARE.

Becoming conscious of the receiving that is already happening -- whether it's good or bad, whether you like it or not -- is a vital part to understanding and reaching the magic of manifestation.

You see, receiving isn't just sitting there with your arms open, waiting. Receiving isn't refusing to take the action (inspired action that is, inspired action! Not action for action’s sake in desperation and fury) steps because "I'm going to receive. I'm not going to program and process. I'm going to receive." Receiving isn't avoiding what needs to be done. "The washing up needs to be done. I think I'll receive clean dishes.“ It's not about procrastinating or avoiding processing. It's not that sort of dull, passive energy, it is a very active, very dynamic, very conscious choice.

  The Resistances 

The resistances are emotional states that manifest inside of you. ... The TRADITIONAL RESISTANCES are these ...

 ( You have been taught, conditioned (there is a difference between the two), manipulated, or threatened out of receiving.

 You were taught, conditioned, manipulated, or threatened into believing that to receive is weak, greedy, and selfish -- that it is just plain wrong. Time to redefine.

Think of all the things that happen without your effort! Beating of your heart, spinning of the earth, grass growing up all over the place, even weeds through tough tarmac and mould in your bathroom. So much happens without your interference and it is often our negative interference that halts our wellbeing.

Receive. Learn. Remember how. Just let it be. If we were to stop the negative thoughts about the stuff that we want it would more naturally flow to us. So let’s stop. How? By being aware, by using the polar opposite, by reading this tiny book again! It’s all here. Experiment with it, have fun with it and come see us sometime so we can start you off and do it for you! Learn more with Unity.

10 Hypnotists you need to know about NOW!

Still in a state about defining hypnosis?

Modern theories of hypnosis have drastically changed the way we view this subject. Because the most common popular view of hypnosis is as an altered state of consciousness of some kind (i.e. trance), this will be used as a departure point to explain how hypnosis (1) has been viewed since the 18th century when it was first systematically studied and mass interest first arose, and (2) has been deconstructed as a unitary concept by some modern scientific theorists of the subject.

The most popular traditional view of hypnosis is a sleep-like state induced by a procedure of some kind by an operator and in which certain special behaviors seem to result; particularly extreme responsiveness to suggestions made during the hypnotic process, including physiological responses, and where anomalies of the experience of volition and memory are consistently reported by subjects.

Therapeutic interest in hypnosis results mostly from the fact that response to suggestions apparently includes some increased capacity to access functions which are normally considered outside of conscious control and memory. Popular interest in hypnosis stems from the therapeutic interest, and because of the long associations of hypnosis with spiritual and secular traditions of self-improvement, self-insight, or self-fulfillment. There has also been interest in hypnotic methods in various areas of medical and scientific research.

A truly balanced and comprehensive study of hypnotic phenomena would probably have to include its relationship with neuroscience, cognitive science, models of subjective experience, models of creative thinking processes, theories of psychosocial development, theories of human language and symbol processing, and various philosophical stances that are still of interest today (such as moral and ethical considerations of various conceptions of the human will and responsibility for actions, and such as the legal status of testimony revealed with the help of hypnosis).

Jeffrey K. Zeig is the founder and director of the Milton H. Erickson Foundation and has written around twenty books on the subject of mind matters and comparative methods of psychology and hypnosis.

He put forward this list in 1988, identifying the following frameworks, into which I have inserted my own additions for clarity and demonstration of how we can be thankful to all and recognise the value of each who has gone before us.

1. Hilgard thought of hypnosis as dissociation, meaning splitting off of aspects of consciousness from each other. One of these aspects was thought to assume dominance at particular times though other aspects were able to influence behaviour simultaneously or even could replace the dominant part.
   
   In modern hypnotherapy, this fits with our methods of using part therapy to help our clients. So, for example, the smoking part may seem dominant at one time for the client, when the client explains that nothing they do can stop themselves smoking. They have tried and tried but still the smoking part remains dominant.

The New Behaviour Generator Model befriends the smoking part and sends it into background awareness whilst encouraging the creative part to emerge and have some air time. Whilst the smoking part is never actually replaced, we do coerce it to morph into a more usefully labelled part with more consciously acceptable behaviours, after of course, eliciting what the positive aspects are of that smoking behaviour. So, for part therapy purposes, Hilgard is tops.

2. Sarbin and Coe describe hypnosis in terms of role playing, Following Robert White's radical interpretation of hypnosis in that a subject is merely playing out the role defined by the requirements of the hypnotist, who claimed the hypnotic process thus
   “its most general goal being to behave like a hypnotised person as this is continuously defined by the operator and understood by the client.”
   Sarbin used concepts from his own role theory using empirical research data, and analogies with other socially constructed roles, to argue that hypnotic subjects did not have to achieve some elusive special state of consciousness but could be better understood as identifying with an unusual social role or behaviour, that is acting out the expected role of a hypnotised subject in response to the directions of the hypnotist.
   This is where our Gestalt Therapy Model comes in. We hypnotists rely on this Model, don’t we, in fact for the client to play the role of an individual (such a parent, employer, neighbour etc) causing angst in the subject’s life to prompt a conversation and ultimately a resolution, between warring parts. This has served me so well over the years, encouraging the client to see the other side of the argument and to pick out any usual purpose or mitigating factors. It is particularly useful if the party in question is unavailable to make peace with in the present day, or, in fact, dead.
   
   Of course we open the role playing up to the subject acting on behalf of his pain in the knee, his irritable bowel or high blood pressure condition, you name it, anything goes, and it usually does with the correct handling.
   Spanos is also a leading proponent of this view. Spanos’ findings were to contribute to the view that the hypnotic state did not exist at all, and that the behaviours exhibited by those individuals are in fact due to their being “highly motivated” by the hypnotist. He stated that hypnosis is not an altered state and is actually the trying on for size, so to speak, of suggested behaviours that the participant either chooses to go along with or not.
   
   Enter here our New Behaviour Generator as we request the part in question to try on some alternative new behaviours that are as good as, or ideally, much better than, the old behaviour ever could be. Thank you Spanos.
   
   
3. T.X. Barber defined hypnosis in terms of non-hypnotic behavioural parameters, such as task motivation. Experiments performed door to door, found that researchers could induce sleepiness by suggestion alone, without the swinging watches or formal protocols used by hypnotists. The power of suggestion worked effectively on about 20 percent of the people tested.
   
   Here we have to thank Mr Barber for proving to us the power of suggestion. Never underestimate the power of suggestion and does one even need to be a in a special state for the suggestion to work? Are we lulled into some specific state as we wonder around isle after isle of brightly coloured packaged products in supermarkets, throwing them into the basket when we just came in for milk? State or non state, what’s your theory? How many times have you agreed to stuff you didn’t want to do? Were you in a state? Love, guilt, feelings of responsibility, arousal, fear, what made you respond to the suggestion given by another? Perhaps we should tighten up our unconscious security, though that is just a suggestion.
   
   
   
4. Weitzenhoffer first considered hypnosis a state of enhanced suggestibility, but later a form of influence of one person on another, such as a dominant spouse or parent, or employer or politician perhaps. Does that mean then that we can legitimately say that we are being hypnotised when our favourite or most respected MP or actor or friend asks us to do something? This would really serve us well then if we acquire enough publicity that fame of our intention and efficacy would just be enough and all we would have to do is say to a large group, something like, stop smoking, or stop shooting each other, please.
   
   
5. Gil and Brenman described hypnosis in psychoanalytic terms as regression in service of the ego, with transference (when feelings felt for another are transferred onto the hypnotherapist.
   
   I have certainly noticed this when I have been leading a course, all of a sudden I wonder to myself what on earth did I say wrong? It seems that quite often an outburst would occur in response to my stating something about hypnosis or similar and something I said or how I said it, or indeed something another person said in the group has provoked a heightened response from another participant. I have thought that something in the behavioural set of that individual has reminded the other of some unfinished business which has proved to be entirely useful when followed up with the practising of hypnotherapy together. So, yes, thank you Gil and Brenman too.
   
   
6. Edmonston assessed hypnosis as relaxation (based on a Pavlovian theory of sleep as partial cortical inhibition). Edmonston even offered a new term to represent this state, which he termed ‘anesis’, from the ancient Greek ‘aniesis’, meaning to relax, or let go. Remember that James Braid coined the term hypnosis to distinguish what he and his contemporaries practiced as being distinct from Mesmer’s animal magnetism. Edmonston , in similar vein, proposed that modern-day hypnosis was so distinctly different from Braid’s definition that it was worthy of this new name (Edmonston, 1991). His book concludes with the prediction that the eyes being “the only naturally visible parts of the central nervous system” would prove to be the keys to understanding hypnosis.
   
   This is surely where our eye catalepsy inductions come in and suggestibility tests using such have come from. Thank you Edmonston.
   
   
7. Spiegel and Spiegel implied that hypnosis was a distinct biological capacity, so I thank them for all the arm levitation inductions I have done.
   
   
8. Milton Erickson held that hypnosis was a unique, inner-directed altered state of functioning and our thanks to Erickson is unquestionable. Directing the subject to an inner state of enhanced awareness is a reliable induction in itself. Engaging with metaphoric, indirect language patterns and encouraging the client’s own subjective reasoning is where all our meeting the client where they are and indirect hypnotic suggestions come from, particularly helpful in working with the difficult client.
   
   
9. Various followers of Erickson's lead have proposed that hypnosis is best defined subjectively and phenomenologically as a process between individuals, and a communications strategy for the achievement of therapeutic goals, with or without recourse to 'trance.'
   
   
10. We should also reserve at least one category for the numerous esoteric, non-scientific, or archaic models which view hypnosis in general as a condition of subtle unidentified or unobservable bodily fluids, a unique electromagnetic field phenomenon, or the result of supernatural influences or contacts, or contact with alternate realms of existence (in a non-metaphorical sense). New age enthusiasts and proponents of angelic realms and other worldly