Lookout! Would YOU buy a used car from a liar?

"So it is mechanically sound then", we ask for the second time from behind the counter of the petrol station, to the burly Greek guy who we are told owns the garage and the dusty 4x4 parked outside that we are interested in buying.

It's hot, he's busy, we're fed up of searching the Internet for the perfect vehicle and now we don't care what it looks like, just as long as it runs okay and can carry a week's worth of chicken, feta and olives and an obscene amount of bottled water, plus the occasional teenager and two small but rambunctious dogs.

He had been quite good up until this second attempt at the question. Now he seemed a little distracted, irritated even and the question.

"Yes, yes, of course!" Whatever he was doing underneath that counter became earnestly compelling as for the second time he looked down and away and busied himself with something other than the potential sale standing in front of him.

I was reminded of the times I have stood at other counters and have had to interrupt a conversation about a party, a boyfriend or some other's questionable dress code between two shop assistants whose faces tell that they do not take kindly to dealing with a returned item so close to closing time, which betrays their 'Of course, madam' speech. It's never as obvious as the eyes being thrown up and tut tutting at my very presence, though the deep breath in, the quick glance and half smirk to one another, or tightening and pressing together of the lips as the one just grits her teeth and gets on with being nice to someone she would rather not be nice to, tells it all. Then there are that fast food restaurant where I stood entirely alone as twelve servers attended to the drive through contingent whilst I waved madly in the background of their awareness to get attention, or when I've stood practically nose to nose with a cashier who answers the phone to another customer, twice, before looking my way to attend to the flesh and blood waiting patiently for attention.

If I were in Basil Fawlty mode this.is when I would be explaining that I was so awfully sorry to interrupt the fanatically important job of counting buttons or whatever but I would in all honestly like to BUY YOUR CAR that has been showcased within this very forecourt for the past 18 months with not so much as a glimmer in the eye of a potential purchaser for, well, ever, probably.

No, you are right, it was not that he was distracted, he was in fact hiding the fact that he was lying.

No one is ever truly comfortable when they are lying, thank goodness. So the body displays the nervous energy and the perpetrator just wants to get the whole ghastly business over with, even if that means no sale.

I know there are some very genuine folks out there whose job it is to sell cars, though if you meet one, would you please tell me? No, we didn't buy that car.

i also know that everyone needs to lie sometimes for all the worthy reasons we tell ourselves and I accept that, though buying a car is a risky business when parting with hard earned cash and buying a car from someone who speaks a different language is even trickier. However, the language of lies is the same the world over, so when this happens, keep your money and walk away.

You ask THE question, such as 'is it running okay?', 'has the timing chain been replaced?', 'are there any problems I need to be aware of?' etc and....
1. The subject looks down and away before or during answering
2. They scratch or rub the back of the neck
3. Some part of them starts tapping, such as fingers or foot
4. They move a finger or hand over their mouth
5. They place an object between you and them (like a cup or bottle).

These are just five 'red flags' and people will do these things randomly when in conversation with each other HOWEVER, this is how to know if they are LYING to you. Catch and fully observe the movements when you ask the all important question. So many questioners look away at this point! It's amazing! It is as if we feel embarrassed to the person we are questioning and we give them a little privacy as we do not want to be perceived as intimidating. Look and keep looking.

Next, once you have seen one of the above, change the subject and look for relief. Let there be a little relaxation, a little laughter or joviality even. Then, ask the SAME question again. Ask again later, though in a different manner and if you get three red flags, run like the wind.

Okay, go get your lovely new car and lookout for those lies!

Hypnosis Wisecracks!

You know, when you have been doing this as long as I have and have heard so many questions asked by so many lovely clients again and again.... well, sometimes the unconscious comes up with a more inventive response!

Smoker: Will you make me cluck like a chicken?
Well, chicken don't smoke so maybe that could work

I never relax
Just don't relax for a while then and the harder you keep trying to never relax the more tired you'll get of trying

It's the only pleasure I have in life
You need to get out more

Dieter: What if it doesn't work?
Well, you won't lose weight

I've no idea how hypnosis can work!
You've probably no idea how lightbulbs work but you use them don't you?

I bet you can't hypnotise me
I bet I don't want to

Will I have to close my eyes?
Will you have to keep them open?

How will I know I'm in trance
How do you not know when you’re in a trance

How will I'll I know it's worked
Well, you won't know it hasn't when it has

How many sessions will I need
How much time do you want to spend getting better?

I’m not sure I was hypnotised
I'm not sure you were not hypnotised

I don't believe in hypnosis
I don't believe in disbelief

Will I be able to drive afterwards?
Could you drive before?

Will I still get cravings
Tell me exactly what a craving feels like, step by step, how it happens and what needs to happen for it to happen….

I think I fell asleep does that mean it didn't work
I think I stayed awake and made sure that it did

I am very strong willed
How would you like to use that will power a bit better then
Well it seems to be strongly willing you out of control right now

I'm now going to ask three questions to see how good you will be at hypnosis
When watching tv do you
A) Focus on the show
B) Get easily distracted

A) that's fantastic because those who focus are really good at hypnosis
B) People who are able to take in a wider environment rather than be locked into one focus tend to be really good at hypnosis

At night do you
A) Fall asleep easily
B) Find it difficult to sleep

A) Those who fall asleep easily find it easy to go into trance
B) People who find it difficult to sleep are the big thinkers who contemplate things deeply and so are perfect for hypnosis

Etc! Add your own below!

I want to stop smoking but wait a minute whilst I deceive you... Lie Detection and Hypnosis

We always knew from the get go that some very enthusiastic folks we put our heart and soul into training, would for their own reasons have to put hypnosis aside to focus on whatever is right for them right now, though my love remains first and foremost with hypnosis.

The ultimate deception is lying to oneself which most clients do and as I have always said, what WE do is UNhypnotise them. I speak personally do, as we teachers of deception analysis and hypnosis are the most difficult subjects to hypnotise or UNhypnotise and as the Universe and the world at large cause our expansion whether we like it or not, and often NOT(!), we all get to learn how we deceive ourselves out of our best interests for the reasons our conscious mind contrives.

I am focused on the MicroExpressions and hypnosis without words, mesmerism, because many of my clients cannot speak English and it is by their expressions I know their pain and by their MicroExpressions I know when it has diminished. I cannot trust my foreign language skills and I cannot trust their English and I am realising I've never really 100 percent trusted the conscious explanations of each client.

Folks don't say what they mean and don't mean what they say and huge confusion can distract the best of hypnotists so being asked to treat those that do not speak English has helped me phenomenally improve my skills. These two approaches of deception analysis and hypnotherapy are, to me, just an extension of the hypnotic and therapeutic skill set. Perhaps I need to work on being able to explain myself more succinctly and somehow put that over on the electronic wizardry of cyberspace and hope I see some of the Hypno crowd at our teeny tiny 1 hour speed trainings in October this year 2016.

We miss everyone and are attempting to revisit what we offer to make it more accessible, affordable and useful to people. I hope one of the sessions grabs attention of whoever it will be useful to. I am basically sharing everything I know in the best way I know how and hoping folks want to watch me perform stop smoking sessions, fight phobias, install hypnotic gastric bands and much more - in an interesting and mesmerising way.

Will the real you please step forward

I've been musing on the profile pics I see, well, everywhere nowadays and the digital version of ourselves we cast out unto the world. I came up with this article; let me know what you think.

Do YOU doubt your Digital Self?

"I don't care what you say, I'm not employing an axe murderer as my lawyer!"

Creating an image of oneself to convey an honest, or even idealised, version of yourself to the wider world has been a task undertaken by us throughout history. Thank your lucky stars you don't have to spend weeks in an artist's studio attempting to hold the same posture and expression, only for the artist to 'get it wrong'. Yes, getting it wrong today is much quicker and easier and your dour digitised self is viewed by a much wider audience at the click of a button.

Your digital self can be your best friend or worst enemy and you may have no idea which one they are.

"Don't you want to even glance at the certificates on the wall?" I ask my nervous hypnotherapy client. "Actually, no, it's okay, I trust you, just go ahead please".

New clients often say they feel like we've met before, that I have a nice face, that they were booked in somewhere else and then changed their mind and came to me instead. All because of a picture.

Now, a picture is not me. In fact, often I think I look entirely different in real life to the static image of perfect shiny pixels and wonder if the 'real me' with my ever changing expressions and odd bad hair day is a disappointing shock to the new client. However, I would know that, I mean. I would know whether my client was disappointed or shocked to meet the real me, because I have an advantage: I have MicroExpressions expertise!

I'm not saying it is a blessing to know when someone is sad to meet you or displeased in your presence, but knowing that they are gives you opportunity to do something about it.

There you are, or rather, there your digital image is, staring unblinkingly into cyberspace hoping to give the real you justice, authenticity and to inspire confidence or at least to attract some attention to your work, to your talents and abilities, to you. However, get it wrong and you may glare out menacingly to your world of potentiality and scare off new contacts with what you thought was a confident expression but one which is read by the unconscious mind of the viewer as utter contempt.

Contempt is the most frequent MicroExpression I see on profile pictures, with the sour faced pout running a swift second. Then there is just plain bad luck, bad lighting, bad angle, bad, bad bad. You cannot explain away your temporary bad mood or unfortunate contemptuous expression to the hundreds or more daily viewers of your profile picture on the Internet.

Nowadays, we are certainly not forgiven for such misrepresentation like we used to excuse away our sombre passport photo with amusing understanding from family and friends.
The digital you is more real to the thousands of strangers out there than the physical, breathing you AND it could be costing you money and losing you sales and credence, or it could put off that potential new lover, or redefine your present lover's perception of you as workmates comment on your profile pic  Yes, cruel, though unfortunately it happens.

Your world went digital almost without you noticing. Gone are the days of the formal letterhead with the list of faceless partners in tiny type listed discretely down one side, tucking you away quietly in your corner, with clients not knowing whether you were friendly, sincere, professional, approachable, good-looking or good-humoured.

Now, you may argue whether anyone can judge those qualities from a photograph - well, YOU do don't you? You decide on 'face value' whether you wish to meet or employ or befriend someone, merely from a static array of pixels. Done well, your fabulous face can exude a sincerity and confidence you didn't know was tucked tightly away somewhere or radiate a ravishing appeal that will light up your Facebook profile, your dating picture, or business website and also light up someone's day.

The dangers of the selfie stick are hopefully apparent though we seem to be woefully inadequate in arranging our face to present it in its best possible light. For one thing, you do not know your own face as well as you think. No, you don't. You don't see it in the mirror in the same way others see it.

A skilled photographer, one that is able to not only operate their intricate photographic equipment, but one that is able to elicit the responses within you so that you use the 43 muscles in your face to arrange your features into a pleasingly acceptable digitised image of your real self is a real asset.

Then you have your photographer whose skill is more targeted in convincing you that you look great, so that they can run off to their next appointment and leave you with a fabulously professionally produced image that is just intimidating or smirky or, well, just not you.

Get a good one and you'll realise how your face finds favour. Consider enlivening the following with your professional radiant self.

Your face sells. A good one sells more. A bad one costs you dearly. It's not just having a good face, it's what you do with it that counts!


So, when you end up with a good one, what can you do with your face? You can:

1. Have it printed on your business cards to remind networking event attendees who on earth they were talking to!
2. Use it in your marketing materials so folks put a face to your product
3. Make it your professional networking profile picture and shine out from grouchy competitors
4. Give consistency and branding to YOU!
5. You can include with press releases and get noticed more
6. Place it in your newsletter and bring messages to life
7. Put it on your web site and brighten up your Company profile
8. Use it on your email signature sign off
9. Use it on your CV to open doors with your face
10. In your company annual reports to brighten those figures
11. Have it ready for Employee of the Month so Ian from Accounts doesn't come up with his cell phone to take it whilst you are unaware
12. Announce Career Accomplishments and be associated with success
13. Have it printed onto magnetic signs for the side of your Vehicle
14. Never run an Advertisement without it
15. Display it in your Office Reception or waiting room so you are instantly recognised rather than having your new client blindly shaking your hand wondering how on earth you are
16. Shine out from your Corporate Brochure
17. Always accompany articles you write as you send them off to publications
18. Send out prior to speaking engagements
19. Send copies out to local press as often they only publish when there is a good picture to accompany your oh so interesting article
20. As a leave-behind for prospective clients to remember you by
21. Use it to build visual recognition and brand awareness
22. Contacts will more likely remember you with a picture reminder
23. Job applications
24. Dating agency profile
25. Have available before a reporter calls to do a profile on you
26. Send copies out to the trade press
27. Do you dance, perform, sing or play music? Use your photo
28. Project it onto the side of your office building – it will beat all the competition and get you noticed!
29. Mugs. T shirts.. Keyfobs. Mouse Mats.
30. Photoshop a Santa hat onto it and send it out at Christmas!
Have fun with your face and make it a good one. Never doubt your digital self!

Telling lies takes two: why would anyone lie to you?

Just finished my latest article on the pitfalls of getting a cheap quote and the lying trap, what do you think?

"How much?"
I'm sure my astonishment could not be concealed at the price quoted for our new premises. We needed new carpet for our 800sqm Centre and this first quote turned out to be the cheapest, to my dismay. Having received the advised three quotes for everything, the commitment then kicks in when tentatively giving the go ahead for the work. Oh yes, then there was the building work, electricity rewiring and the plumbing of three bathrooms and acres of custom made curtain to deal with.

Anyone who has agreed to a quotation for home improvements knows that feeling when you've agreed a price and suddenly the price climbs and climbs because....
"Well, I THOUGHT it was a straightforward job, but what you have here is..."
"No, you never told me you wanted it THAT side of the room, you see, that changes everything..."
"My assistant is off with the flu right now so I'm having to call in additional help for this if you want it done on time..."
"That carpet/shower cubicle/boiler/kitchen is discontinued so we are having to go with a replacement..."
What do you do when a tradesman is halfway through a job and it's Christmas/grand opening/new baby arriving next week?
Should your builder be honest with you when quoting for that new kitchen? How about other tradesmen, or lawyers and bankers? Most of us, with hindsight, would not have commenced proceedings in a court case had when known our promised two month case would extend to four years of stress and expense to heart and wallet. Most may have made do with the original kitchen when the money pit opened up and you were forced into microwaved meals in your dusty plastered shell of a kitchen for eight months.
Tradesmen, lawyers and bankers and world leaders are all people of course, regardless of employment, so if we wish the world a more peaceful and honest place we may need to be more careful in our initial negotiations and use the science of deception analysis and improved communication skills rather than blind hope that you have picked an honest tradesperson rather than just going with the cheapest quote.
Beware of this one, by the way, because going with the cheapest quote can be a costly option. Builders generally know they have to under-quote at the onset to get you on board so they have no option afterwards to add on to the bill and explain to you why as you go through to completion.
This is no different to lawyers, by the way, often a person cannot tell exactly what will be encountered along the way and what will crawl out of the woodwork. The blatant truth however, is sometimes hard to hear. The first rule of lying is that it takes two. If your builder KNOWS you are unlikely to accept the truth of how much your job will cost, he is more likely to lie to you.
Do you really want your country's leader to be utterly honest in all communications? Would you rather be told the TRUTH or given hope of idealistic improvement? The truth is a fluid thing sometimes, as the politician's genuine hope of such improvement may be particularly genuine and delivered with eagerness and integrity. When in office, such qualities may diminish.
When someone is representing your interests, in an environment where you cannot, or should not, represent yourself, would you seriously want them to exercise complete and utter honesty?
In court cases and in disputes of all nature, sometimes it is prudent to accept the wise counsel of a more detached and reserved diplomat.
Let's say, going back closer to home, there is a builder carrying out some work for you on your property. You ask how much the job will finally cost you and how much more time it will take.
Your observation skills will pay dividends at this time to:
A) assess whether your trademan is being as open and honest as he could be; and
B) enable you to pick up on areas where you need to expand on and question further.

Knowing these will give you a best and worst case scenario figure and soften any substantial surprise escalation in costs.

There is an environment and circumstances in which we generally accept the necessity of lying; in times of war, for example. Here is where we are not likely to be representing ourselves at the peace talks. Like it or not, we elect people to do those negotiations on our behalf.

In addition, there are really two distinct kinds of lying: omission and commission.
Omission is where we leave some vital piece of information out of our communication and commission is when we deliberately falsify some aspect of truth.
For example, Eisenhower would not be condemned for the elaborate lies told to lead the Nazis to believe that we intended to land at Calais rather than Normandy.
Omission may be 'fixtures and fittings' and VAT or double time for working on a Sunday, in our domestic example. Commission could be a deliberate ploy to get you to buy a costlier kitchen unit, which he can get at a knock down price from his contact, by stating your chosen item is no longer available, or the fittings for your chosen units are just not compatible with building standards.
The political arena accepts and oftentimes supports concealment lies with the hidden proviso that the leader is acting on behalf of the greater good of those whom he represents. However, Nixon and his supporters were not accepted in their deceit because the lying was in support of Nixon's personal, domestic interests rather than the country's.
Now, please understand, as some of my best friends are builders, that there are folks that go to extraordinary lengths to get a good deal for you and they can cut corners and shave bits off the price (forgive the puns). However, is your builder a bit of a Nixon? Your deception skills will find him out.
In a Cold War, as in certain court proceedings, the leader defends the interests of those he represents and sifts through data and truth, to present and highlight that information that serves them, concealing and defending and at times, attacking, all else.
Broken promises only qualify as a lie if the speaker knows AT THE TIME when he said them that they were untrue. Declaring not to raise income tax is a specific potential lie though promising better futures for our children is generalised and made specific only by the criteria the listener applies to such 'better future'.
You cannot accuse your builder of lying when he honestly thought he had quoted a fair price for the work to be carried out and then discovers ..... (Fill in the blank!).
One of my builder friends maintains a huge beautiful property for an incredibly wealthy lady (his description, as I know, all things are relative!). He often says things like, 'Oh, Veronica would NEVER agree to that, that's much too expensive," or, "no, no, really that is NOT good enough, you will have to sort out a better price on that one/use better quality materials/rip all that out and start again," etc.
Veronica never gets to hear all the efforts made on her behalf and she would probably happily pay whatever she was told it cost to get the jobs done. Yes, she may be 'ripped off' or taken advantage of if she were to deal directly with the tradesmen. Is my builder friend lying, if he never consults with her in these matters? Or is he being a bit of an Eisenhower and protecting her interests?
Here are your tips for better building interactions!
* Silence is golden. No one likes it and we all seek to fill it! Use silences to encourage THEIR communication rather than yours. Ask questions you need answers to and WATCH for red flags.
* Declare your other quotations carefully. This gives you a solid foundation and it engages their competitive instincts in your favour, as they want to prove they're better than the oppositi on. Watch for confidence and true 'showing off'!
* Be friendly, but firm. You're more likely to get a result if your interaction is friendly though professional. Avoid talking about dire finances or kids etc.
* Question "add ons" such as VAT and additional days or additional staff requirements. Watch for red flags.

* Walk away. Take your quote to discuss with and compare with others.

Buying a car and the fine art of Deception Analysis

"So it is mechanically sound then", we ask for the second time from behind the counter of the petrol station, to the burly guy who we are told owns the garage and the dusty 4x4 parked outside that we are interested in buying.

It's hot, he's busy, we're fed up of searching the Internet for the perfect vehicle and now we don't care what it looks like, just as long as it runs okay and can carry a week's worth of shopping, plus the occasional teenager and two small but rambunctious dogs.

He had been quite good up until this second attempt at the question. Now he seemed a little distracted, irritated even at the question.

"Yes, yes, of course!" This was the second time he looked down and away and busied himself with something other than the potential sale standing in front of him.

If I were in Basil Fawlty mode this is when I would be explaining that I was so awfully sorry to interrupt the fanatically important job of counting buttons or whatever but I would in all honestly like to BUY YOUR CAR that has been showcased within this very forecourt for the past 18 months with not so much as a glimmer in the eye of a potential purchaser for, well, ever, probably.

No, you are right, it was not that he was distracted, he was in fact hiding the fact that he was lying.

No one is ever truly comfortable when they are lying, thank goodness. So the body displays the nervous energy and the perpetrator just wants to get the whole ghastly business over with.

I also know that everyone needs to lie sometimes for all the worthy reasons we tell ourselves and I accept that, though buying a car is a risky business when parting with hard earned cash. However, the language of lies is the same the world over, so when this happens, keep your money and walk away.

You ask THE question, such as 'is it in good condition mechanically?', 'has the timing chain been replaced?', 'are there any problems I need to be aware of?' etc and....

The subject looks down and away before or during answering.

They scratch or rub the back of the neck.

Some part of them starts tapping, such as fingers or foot.

They move a finger or hand over their mouth.

They place an object between you and them (like a cup or bottle).

These are just five 'red flags' and people will do these things randomly when in conversation with each other HOWEVER, this is how to know if they are LYING to you. Catch and fully observe the movements when you ask the all important question. So many questioners look away at this point! It's amazing! It is as if we feel embarrassed for the person we are questioning and we give them a little privacy as we do not want to be perceived as intimidating. Look and keep looking.

Next, once you have seen one of the above, change the subject. Let there be a little calm, a little laughter or joviality even. Then, ask the SAME question again. Ask again later, though in a different manner and if you get three red flags, run like the wind.

Okay, go get your lovely new car and lookout for those lies!

To learn more sign up to my my new online course Human Lie Detection: How to catch a liar! Click Here

Smoking swimming pools and chainsaws, I think it worked!

Don't you just love it when you not only recognise, but benefit, from the connectedness of all things?

Coincidences, fate, angels, roses by all other names, are always there working magic in the background. So, our swimming pool has been a little poorly lately and a little on the green side, dark, murky, kind of nearly on the black side of green and for months it has been a source of irritation and focus for me. Hey, the Universe doesn't concern itself whether one is irritated or joyously fascinated with something, focus is focus any which way you look at it.

So, as focus goes where the eyes go, my eyes were going there every time I stepped out of the front door and sinking into a murky abyss.

Well, being as there has been a delay in getting my 1969 Beach Buggy shipped over here due to the Chinese buying the Port of Piraeus, with its associated strike actions, we needed a form of transport that would get up to the closest supermarket and keep us in chicken and vegetables and the odd toilet roll, until the rejoicefull day. So, the guy that comes to deliver the motorbike is the swimming pool expert that our lovely neighbours happens to have met months before and happens to have loads of properties and pools to look after and, thank ye Gods, just so happened to be a fabulously friendly person who loves fixing things and, oh yes, wanted to stop smoking.

So my pool is sparkling like new and clear of debris just like his lungs now as he enjoys his smoke free world, what a great match for us both this week.

Also, I have wanted to trim the huge trees around our property that are shedding their needles into next door's property and, said pool, so he is going to turn up one day with his chainsaw! Life is good. That's such a good saying someone ought to sell the phrase so I can stick it on my front door to remember it...

First there was a mountain...

Today, I saw, I climbed, I cheered, I drank lots of water and collapsed into a heap. A year ago and hobbling about on a wonky knee, it feels great to climb a mountain and bend those knees!

I'm here

So here I am. I'm a blogger, find me on YouTube Twitter and Facebook too. Jennie Kitching, the Hypnowoman, has arrived.