Will the real you please step forward

I've been musing on the profile pics I see, well, everywhere nowadays and the digital version of ourselves we cast out unto the world. I came up with this article; let me know what you think.

Do YOU doubt your Digital Self?

"I don't care what you say, I'm not employing an axe murderer as my lawyer!"

Creating an image of oneself to convey an honest, or even idealised, version of yourself to the wider world has been a task undertaken by us throughout history. Thank your lucky stars you don't have to spend weeks in an artist's studio attempting to hold the same posture and expression, only for the artist to 'get it wrong'. Yes, getting it wrong today is much quicker and easier and your dour digitised self is viewed by a much wider audience at the click of a button.

Your digital self can be your best friend or worst enemy and you may have no idea which one they are.

"Don't you want to even glance at the certificates on the wall?" I ask my nervous hypnotherapy client. "Actually, no, it's okay, I trust you, just go ahead please".

New clients often say they feel like we've met before, that I have a nice face, that they were booked in somewhere else and then changed their mind and came to me instead. All because of a picture.

Now, a picture is not me. In fact, often I think I look entirely different in real life to the static image of perfect shiny pixels and wonder if the 'real me' with my ever changing expressions and odd bad hair day is a disappointing shock to the new client. However, I would know that, I mean. I would know whether my client was disappointed or shocked to meet the real me, because I have an advantage: I have MicroExpressions expertise!

I'm not saying it is a blessing to know when someone is sad to meet you or displeased in your presence, but knowing that they are gives you opportunity to do something about it.

There you are, or rather, there your digital image is, staring unblinkingly into cyberspace hoping to give the real you justice, authenticity and to inspire confidence or at least to attract some attention to your work, to your talents and abilities, to you. However, get it wrong and you may glare out menacingly to your world of potentiality and scare off new contacts with what you thought was a confident expression but one which is read by the unconscious mind of the viewer as utter contempt.

Contempt is the most frequent MicroExpression I see on profile pictures, with the sour faced pout running a swift second. Then there is just plain bad luck, bad lighting, bad angle, bad, bad bad. You cannot explain away your temporary bad mood or unfortunate contemptuous expression to the hundreds or more daily viewers of your profile picture on the Internet.

Nowadays, we are certainly not forgiven for such misrepresentation like we used to excuse away our sombre passport photo with amusing understanding from family and friends.
The digital you is more real to the thousands of strangers out there than the physical, breathing you AND it could be costing you money and losing you sales and credence, or it could put off that potential new lover, or redefine your present lover's perception of you as workmates comment on your profile pic  Yes, cruel, though unfortunately it happens.

Your world went digital almost without you noticing. Gone are the days of the formal letterhead with the list of faceless partners in tiny type listed discretely down one side, tucking you away quietly in your corner, with clients not knowing whether you were friendly, sincere, professional, approachable, good-looking or good-humoured.

Now, you may argue whether anyone can judge those qualities from a photograph - well, YOU do don't you? You decide on 'face value' whether you wish to meet or employ or befriend someone, merely from a static array of pixels. Done well, your fabulous face can exude a sincerity and confidence you didn't know was tucked tightly away somewhere or radiate a ravishing appeal that will light up your Facebook profile, your dating picture, or business website and also light up someone's day.

The dangers of the selfie stick are hopefully apparent though we seem to be woefully inadequate in arranging our face to present it in its best possible light. For one thing, you do not know your own face as well as you think. No, you don't. You don't see it in the mirror in the same way others see it.

A skilled photographer, one that is able to not only operate their intricate photographic equipment, but one that is able to elicit the responses within you so that you use the 43 muscles in your face to arrange your features into a pleasingly acceptable digitised image of your real self is a real asset.

Then you have your photographer whose skill is more targeted in convincing you that you look great, so that they can run off to their next appointment and leave you with a fabulously professionally produced image that is just intimidating or smirky or, well, just not you.

Get a good one and you'll realise how your face finds favour. Consider enlivening the following with your professional radiant self.

Your face sells. A good one sells more. A bad one costs you dearly. It's not just having a good face, it's what you do with it that counts!


So, when you end up with a good one, what can you do with your face? You can:

1. Have it printed on your business cards to remind networking event attendees who on earth they were talking to!
2. Use it in your marketing materials so folks put a face to your product
3. Make it your professional networking profile picture and shine out from grouchy competitors
4. Give consistency and branding to YOU!
5. You can include with press releases and get noticed more
6. Place it in your newsletter and bring messages to life
7. Put it on your web site and brighten up your Company profile
8. Use it on your email signature sign off
9. Use it on your CV to open doors with your face
10. In your company annual reports to brighten those figures
11. Have it ready for Employee of the Month so Ian from Accounts doesn't come up with his cell phone to take it whilst you are unaware
12. Announce Career Accomplishments and be associated with success
13. Have it printed onto magnetic signs for the side of your Vehicle
14. Never run an Advertisement without it
15. Display it in your Office Reception or waiting room so you are instantly recognised rather than having your new client blindly shaking your hand wondering how on earth you are
16. Shine out from your Corporate Brochure
17. Always accompany articles you write as you send them off to publications
18. Send out prior to speaking engagements
19. Send copies out to local press as often they only publish when there is a good picture to accompany your oh so interesting article
20. As a leave-behind for prospective clients to remember you by
21. Use it to build visual recognition and brand awareness
22. Contacts will more likely remember you with a picture reminder
23. Job applications
24. Dating agency profile
25. Have available before a reporter calls to do a profile on you
26. Send copies out to the trade press
27. Do you dance, perform, sing or play music? Use your photo
28. Project it onto the side of your office building – it will beat all the competition and get you noticed!
29. Mugs. T shirts.. Keyfobs. Mouse Mats.
30. Photoshop a Santa hat onto it and send it out at Christmas!
Have fun with your face and make it a good one. Never doubt your digital self!

Telling lies takes two: why would anyone lie to you?

Just finished my latest article on the pitfalls of getting a cheap quote and the lying trap, what do you think?

"How much?"
I'm sure my astonishment could not be concealed at the price quoted for our new premises. We needed new carpet for our 800sqm Centre and this first quote turned out to be the cheapest, to my dismay. Having received the advised three quotes for everything, the commitment then kicks in when tentatively giving the go ahead for the work. Oh yes, then there was the building work, electricity rewiring and the plumbing of three bathrooms and acres of custom made curtain to deal with.

Anyone who has agreed to a quotation for home improvements knows that feeling when you've agreed a price and suddenly the price climbs and climbs because....
"Well, I THOUGHT it was a straightforward job, but what you have here is..."
"No, you never told me you wanted it THAT side of the room, you see, that changes everything..."
"My assistant is off with the flu right now so I'm having to call in additional help for this if you want it done on time..."
"That carpet/shower cubicle/boiler/kitchen is discontinued so we are having to go with a replacement..."
What do you do when a tradesman is halfway through a job and it's Christmas/grand opening/new baby arriving next week?
Should your builder be honest with you when quoting for that new kitchen? How about other tradesmen, or lawyers and bankers? Most of us, with hindsight, would not have commenced proceedings in a court case had when known our promised two month case would extend to four years of stress and expense to heart and wallet. Most may have made do with the original kitchen when the money pit opened up and you were forced into microwaved meals in your dusty plastered shell of a kitchen for eight months.
Tradesmen, lawyers and bankers and world leaders are all people of course, regardless of employment, so if we wish the world a more peaceful and honest place we may need to be more careful in our initial negotiations and use the science of deception analysis and improved communication skills rather than blind hope that you have picked an honest tradesperson rather than just going with the cheapest quote.
Beware of this one, by the way, because going with the cheapest quote can be a costly option. Builders generally know they have to under-quote at the onset to get you on board so they have no option afterwards to add on to the bill and explain to you why as you go through to completion.
This is no different to lawyers, by the way, often a person cannot tell exactly what will be encountered along the way and what will crawl out of the woodwork. The blatant truth however, is sometimes hard to hear. The first rule of lying is that it takes two. If your builder KNOWS you are unlikely to accept the truth of how much your job will cost, he is more likely to lie to you.
Do you really want your country's leader to be utterly honest in all communications? Would you rather be told the TRUTH or given hope of idealistic improvement? The truth is a fluid thing sometimes, as the politician's genuine hope of such improvement may be particularly genuine and delivered with eagerness and integrity. When in office, such qualities may diminish.
When someone is representing your interests, in an environment where you cannot, or should not, represent yourself, would you seriously want them to exercise complete and utter honesty?
In court cases and in disputes of all nature, sometimes it is prudent to accept the wise counsel of a more detached and reserved diplomat.
Let's say, going back closer to home, there is a builder carrying out some work for you on your property. You ask how much the job will finally cost you and how much more time it will take.
Your observation skills will pay dividends at this time to:
A) assess whether your trademan is being as open and honest as he could be; and
B) enable you to pick up on areas where you need to expand on and question further.

Knowing these will give you a best and worst case scenario figure and soften any substantial surprise escalation in costs.

There is an environment and circumstances in which we generally accept the necessity of lying; in times of war, for example. Here is where we are not likely to be representing ourselves at the peace talks. Like it or not, we elect people to do those negotiations on our behalf.

In addition, there are really two distinct kinds of lying: omission and commission.
Omission is where we leave some vital piece of information out of our communication and commission is when we deliberately falsify some aspect of truth.
For example, Eisenhower would not be condemned for the elaborate lies told to lead the Nazis to believe that we intended to land at Calais rather than Normandy.
Omission may be 'fixtures and fittings' and VAT or double time for working on a Sunday, in our domestic example. Commission could be a deliberate ploy to get you to buy a costlier kitchen unit, which he can get at a knock down price from his contact, by stating your chosen item is no longer available, or the fittings for your chosen units are just not compatible with building standards.
The political arena accepts and oftentimes supports concealment lies with the hidden proviso that the leader is acting on behalf of the greater good of those whom he represents. However, Nixon and his supporters were not accepted in their deceit because the lying was in support of Nixon's personal, domestic interests rather than the country's.
Now, please understand, as some of my best friends are builders, that there are folks that go to extraordinary lengths to get a good deal for you and they can cut corners and shave bits off the price (forgive the puns). However, is your builder a bit of a Nixon? Your deception skills will find him out.
In a Cold War, as in certain court proceedings, the leader defends the interests of those he represents and sifts through data and truth, to present and highlight that information that serves them, concealing and defending and at times, attacking, all else.
Broken promises only qualify as a lie if the speaker knows AT THE TIME when he said them that they were untrue. Declaring not to raise income tax is a specific potential lie though promising better futures for our children is generalised and made specific only by the criteria the listener applies to such 'better future'.
You cannot accuse your builder of lying when he honestly thought he had quoted a fair price for the work to be carried out and then discovers ..... (Fill in the blank!).
One of my builder friends maintains a huge beautiful property for an incredibly wealthy lady (his description, as I know, all things are relative!). He often says things like, 'Oh, Veronica would NEVER agree to that, that's much too expensive," or, "no, no, really that is NOT good enough, you will have to sort out a better price on that one/use better quality materials/rip all that out and start again," etc.
Veronica never gets to hear all the efforts made on her behalf and she would probably happily pay whatever she was told it cost to get the jobs done. Yes, she may be 'ripped off' or taken advantage of if she were to deal directly with the tradesmen. Is my builder friend lying, if he never consults with her in these matters? Or is he being a bit of an Eisenhower and protecting her interests?
Here are your tips for better building interactions!
* Silence is golden. No one likes it and we all seek to fill it! Use silences to encourage THEIR communication rather than yours. Ask questions you need answers to and WATCH for red flags.
* Declare your other quotations carefully. This gives you a solid foundation and it engages their competitive instincts in your favour, as they want to prove they're better than the oppositi on. Watch for confidence and true 'showing off'!
* Be friendly, but firm. You're more likely to get a result if your interaction is friendly though professional. Avoid talking about dire finances or kids etc.
* Question "add ons" such as VAT and additional days or additional staff requirements. Watch for red flags.

* Walk away. Take your quote to discuss with and compare with others.